The troubled camper

Keep the bit in a child's mouth allows the parent to keep control... which in turn produces great kids!

I wish I could tell you that every camper that comes to camp has come from the perfect home; with a mom and dad, a loving caring environment that has nurtured the child along physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is easy for me to spot these families after a few encounters with parents and children. When just the opposite has happened, it isn’t quite so easy for me to pick up. Children can hide many of their hurts and scars from most of us; it is usually only in a cabin, that the child breaks down and share what is going on in their lives back home.

We had such a young man at camp this past week. He was a bigger kid than most in his cabin. He came into camp crying out for help; not with any words, only with his actions. He was unruly, undisciplined, mouthy, and with an attitude that said, “I am in charge, I call the shots, don’t push me”. For most counselors, such behavior is very tough to handle; the camper’s disruptive behavior can flavor the entire cabin. If a counselor doesn’t get outside help from other lead staff, he might end up with a disaster of a week; none of the cabin’s campers will have a great week.

As it turned out, this young man’s mom was recently put in prison; his grandparents are trying to raise him, but incapable in dealing with the boy’s anger and hurts, so consequently spend most of the time yelling and trying to correct the boy from a chair instead of correcting and disciplining the boy with a firm hand.

The boy ended up acting out his emotional pain by trying to cut himself with paper. I asked the lead staff what cutting was and why do kids do this. Their response was that young people use paper, or razor blades to inflict cuts on arm or legs and this helps them to calm down from their emotional pain by inflicting physical pain. Apparently having physical pain temporarily removes the hurts and pains of home or school.

I am lost on this one.

At the same time this past week, I saw the other side of family life. I am thinking of two families in particular whose children attended camp this week. I have known these two families for years and have seen time and time again, the parents and child together. Every time these two families come to camp, the entire family comes. Every time I meet or greet these children, they come across as confident, friendly, engaging, and polite.

As I shared in my last blog about control, both sets of parents of these great kids have not lost control of the family. There is order, respect, control, and lots of love flowing from parent to child and from child to parent. In both situations, mom is able to stay home and maintain oversight and balanced nurturing of the child. The parents are making the decisions; the child stays under the parent’s umbrella of authority.

Regardless of what background, who ones parents are, how one is raised, the child needs a week at camp. It is here that much of life’s struggles can be forgotten for 5 days. It is here that under the care of a young counselor, that each child can find a place to fit in for 5 days. We are not miracle workers: there are still many families that children have to return to on Friday and face a mom or dad or grandparent that won’t continue nurturing and guiding the child. We want to be an oasis for a week, that perhaps, can be a little balm of Gilead to a young person’s life.

I do have to tell parents out there going through a divorce and all the ugliness that brings, “Keep your wars at home and keep the camp out of your wars. And don’t engage your child in your wars while he/she is at camp!” I am tired of immature parents fighting it out and trying to drag the camp into their legal messes. Enuf said! Grow up parents!

And to you parents who are keeping the bit in your child’s mouth, and continue to control them through their teen years, “I appreciate you and pray for you to continue to have the courage to keep up your great parenting!” It is worth it; the results of your faithfulness will come back to you generation after generation. “Surely, your grandchildren and their children will rise up and call you blessed.”

Written by
Earl Taylor, Director of Design and Vision
Hidden Acres Christian Center, Dayton, Iowa
... a youth and family camp and retreat center owned by the Evangelical Free Churches of Iowa, Missouri, and South Dakota

July 4th- Random Thoughts

When it comes to work, most children have no idea how or what it entails. They mostly like the pay check part of work, and would rather skip the sweating part. I have been surprised of late of how teen age kids want to learn how to build or at least be apart of something bigger than they are. I have run two different crews of extra counselors the past two weeks. We have been doing different projects on the new Inn. Three boys installed a 2000 sq. ft. wood ceiling in the meeting room and afterwards I told them, “You have just done something that will last for the next 50 years. You will be able to bring your grand kids back to camp and say, ‘I did that’!” I had others sanding, putting up siding, painting, and finishing doors and trim. As I watched them work, it was easy for me to see who had initiative, who was a slacker, who worked at not working, who had an eye for detail, who grasped unseen concepts of construction. I also saw that most young people love to work with a group, but hate doing something totally by them selves. At the end of the two weeks, I felt my time with them was productive, that each person learned a new skill. I think I would enjoy doing that type of supervision for an entire summer.

Counselor Work Crew

I told the work crew counselors a story I had heard years ago from Tony Compola, about children. I told them about the difference between city kids and farm kids. Parents of city kids want children, like children, but don’t need children. They are a financial liability and end up costing the parent well over $225,000 to raise up to the age of 18. However, the farmer parent needs children. Their children are a financial asset. Each child of a farmer, will generate over $125,000 in income for the parent during his 18 years if the child is actively involved in the farming operation. I have never seen a farm kid with self esteem issues when he works along side his parent… he feels needed; however the opposite is true with city kids… they are not needed except to maybe empty the trash or perhaps mow the yard.

My thoughts about parenting: Too many parents lost control of their child when they started asking for the child’s opinion and preferences. When a child is little, and if a parent asks him, “Would you like oatmeal or fruity pebbles?” The child learns he is in control early. When we parents state, “This morning we are eating oatmeal, and it is good for you. Take it or leave it are your choices.” The child understands mom and dad are in control and will remain in control. When does a 6 year old know what is best for himself? By the time a child is 13 or 14, a parent will have a child with an attitude on their hands if they have been smothering him/her with excessive decision making; grow up mom and dad’s and take control early; it isn’t a popularity contest: it is called parenting!

In case you are wondering, I am from the old school; I am only 54, but in many ways, I think like most 70+ year olds; I find certain activities and music very offensive and improper. I still believe consumption of alcohol for a Christian is wrong; I still don’t think Christians should be dancing to secular music; I still find it offensive when I see a Christian light up a cigarette. Call me legalistic, call me old fashion, just don’t call me up and ask me to go drinking and dancing with you.

I hunt for meat!

I am a practical guy; I don’t spend money foolishly; I don’t do things that are not productive; I am not one to seek out entertainment or activity (movies, concerts, or sporting events) that doesn’t result in something: i.e. I hunt so I can get meat;I fish so I can eat fish; I till the ground so I can grow beans and corn. I don’t go to fire works, don’t piddle with video games, I don’t lay out in the sun, I don’t drive a motor cycle to somewhere I don’t need to be just for the sake of a ride, I would never shoot a paint ball gun (I eat what I shoot) and I would not own a pet. I know this last thought goes against every grain in America; we are a nation of pet lovers. It just doesn’t make any sense to me to own something that doesn’t do anything. I would have to feed him, take him outside, clean up after it’s messes, and then worry about the animal if I have to leave and go somewhere. If I want companionship, I will find a new friend (a person who can talk). If I want kissed, I will ask my wife or grandchildren. If I want messes in my yard and house, then I will adopt some more kids… but don’t ever expect me to get so attached to something that can’t talk, can’t work, and only costs me money. Enuf said!!

But I do have to tell you this 4th July weekend, I do love our country and all that it has allowed me to do and become. I do love the state of Iowa where it gets so sultry and hot for a few months and so cold and blustery for a few months that it can drive you inside for weeks on end, but I love the drastic seasons and the variety of natural forces. I love the fertile soil that can grow crops and weeds and wildflowers side by side. I love our rivers and the timbered valleys that pour excess water into the river basins. I love being an American and pray that the Spirit of God would sweep this great nation and bring it to it knees.

Written by:
Earl Taylor, Director of Design and Vision
Hidden Acres Christian Center, Dayton, Iowa
earldtaylor@yahoo.com
Hidden Acres is a Christian youth camp and retreat facility located in central Iowa. Hidden Acres is owned by the Evangelical Free Churches of Iowa, Missouri, and South Dakota.