The troubled camper

Keep the bit in a child's mouth allows the parent to keep control... which in turn produces great kids!

I wish I could tell you that every camper that comes to camp has come from the perfect home; with a mom and dad, a loving caring environment that has nurtured the child along physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is easy for me to spot these families after a few encounters with parents and children. When just the opposite has happened, it isn’t quite so easy for me to pick up. Children can hide many of their hurts and scars from most of us; it is usually only in a cabin, that the child breaks down and share what is going on in their lives back home.

We had such a young man at camp this past week. He was a bigger kid than most in his cabin. He came into camp crying out for help; not with any words, only with his actions. He was unruly, undisciplined, mouthy, and with an attitude that said, “I am in charge, I call the shots, don’t push me”. For most counselors, such behavior is very tough to handle; the camper’s disruptive behavior can flavor the entire cabin. If a counselor doesn’t get outside help from other lead staff, he might end up with a disaster of a week; none of the cabin’s campers will have a great week.

As it turned out, this young man’s mom was recently put in prison; his grandparents are trying to raise him, but incapable in dealing with the boy’s anger and hurts, so consequently spend most of the time yelling and trying to correct the boy from a chair instead of correcting and disciplining the boy with a firm hand.

The boy ended up acting out his emotional pain by trying to cut himself with paper. I asked the lead staff what cutting was and why do kids do this. Their response was that young people use paper, or razor blades to inflict cuts on arm or legs and this helps them to calm down from their emotional pain by inflicting physical pain. Apparently having physical pain temporarily removes the hurts and pains of home or school.

I am lost on this one.

At the same time this past week, I saw the other side of family life. I am thinking of two families in particular whose children attended camp this week. I have known these two families for years and have seen time and time again, the parents and child together. Every time these two families come to camp, the entire family comes. Every time I meet or greet these children, they come across as confident, friendly, engaging, and polite.

As I shared in my last blog about control, both sets of parents of these great kids have not lost control of the family. There is order, respect, control, and lots of love flowing from parent to child and from child to parent. In both situations, mom is able to stay home and maintain oversight and balanced nurturing of the child. The parents are making the decisions; the child stays under the parent’s umbrella of authority.

Regardless of what background, who ones parents are, how one is raised, the child needs a week at camp. It is here that much of life’s struggles can be forgotten for 5 days. It is here that under the care of a young counselor, that each child can find a place to fit in for 5 days. We are not miracle workers: there are still many families that children have to return to on Friday and face a mom or dad or grandparent that won’t continue nurturing and guiding the child. We want to be an oasis for a week, that perhaps, can be a little balm of Gilead to a young person’s life.

I do have to tell parents out there going through a divorce and all the ugliness that brings, “Keep your wars at home and keep the camp out of your wars. And don’t engage your child in your wars while he/she is at camp!” I am tired of immature parents fighting it out and trying to drag the camp into their legal messes. Enuf said! Grow up parents!

And to you parents who are keeping the bit in your child’s mouth, and continue to control them through their teen years, “I appreciate you and pray for you to continue to have the courage to keep up your great parenting!” It is worth it; the results of your faithfulness will come back to you generation after generation. “Surely, your grandchildren and their children will rise up and call you blessed.”

Written by
Earl Taylor, Director of Design and Vision
Hidden Acres Christian Center, Dayton, Iowa
... a youth and family camp and retreat center owned by the Evangelical Free Churches of Iowa, Missouri, and South Dakota